Our lives are shaped by experiences, both big and small. Some bring us joy, while others challenge us, shift our perspectives, and influence how we see ourselves and the world around us. Over time, these experiences shape how we build relationships, respond to challenges, and navigate different stages of life.

As a psychologist working in the development sector, particularly in child protection, I have come to realise how deeply our lived experiences influence our mental health. They shape not only how we feel but also how we understand others, seek support, and find the courage to move forward.

This year’s World Mental Health Day theme, “Lived Experiences Heard,” reminds us of something fundamental: every experience deserves to be acknowledged, every voice deserves to be heard, and everyone deserves to feel understood.

But when we speak about lived experiences, whose voices are we listening to? Are we paying enough attention to children’s experiences?

CHILDREN HAVE LIVED EXPERIENCES, TOO

Children experience the world through their relationships and the environments in which they grow up. They notice the warmth in a caregiver’s voice, the tension during an argument, and the silence that follows when they try to express themselves but aren’t heard.

A child may not always have the words to express what they feel. Instead, their experiences may find expression through their behaviour.

A child who becomes unusually quiet may be struggling with something they cannot express. A child who frequently gets angry may be experiencing frustration, fear, or emotional overwhelm. A child who withdraws from others may need someone to pause and understand what has changed.

These behaviours do not automatically tell us what a child is experiencing. However, they invite us to look beyond the behaviour and become curious about the feelings and experiences that may lie beneath it.

Sometimes, in our efforts to guide children, we focus on correcting their behaviour before understanding their emotions. What appears small to an adult may carry significant meaning for a child. Being compared to a sibling, repeatedly dismissed, excluded from decisions, or made to feel that their emotions are unimportant can influence how children see themselves and whether they feel comfortable expressing their needs.

Understanding children begins when we recognise that their experiences matter, even when they seem different from our own.

Family-based care: More than providing a home

In child protection, we often speak about the importance of family-based care in ensuring children’s safety, stability, and development. Families can provide a sense of belonging, continuity, and connection that supports children as they grow.

However, family-based care is not simply about ensuring that a child lives with a family. It is also about nurturing relationships in which children feel safe, valued, respected, and understood.

A family does not have to be perfect to provide a nurturing environment. It needs to be willing to listen, learn, and respond to a child’s needs.

Parents and caregivers have their own lived experiences, responsibilities, and challenges. Financial pressures, caregiving demands, family conflict, and limited support can sometimes leave them emotionally overwhelmed. When caregivers struggle, responding to a child’s emotional needs can become more difficult.

This is why supporting children’s mental health cannot be separated from supporting their families.

We need to create opportunities for parents and caregivers to understand children’s emotional needs, recognise signs of distress, and respond with empathy. Equally, we must acknowledge the challenges caregivers face and connect families with appropriate emotional, social, and practical support.

When caregivers feel supported and equipped, they are better placed to nurture relationships in which children can express themselves and seek help without fear.

Family-based care, therefore, is not only about where children grow up, but also about the quality of care, connection, and relationships that shape their everyday experiences.

What does it mean to truly hear a child?

Perhaps we need to begin by changing some of the questions we ask.

Instead of only asking a child, “Are you okay?”, we can pause and reflect on whether we have created an environment where they feel comfortable enough to tell us the truth.

Do children feel safe telling us when they are scared, angry, disappointed, or confused? Can they make mistakes without fearing humiliation? Do we listen when their opinions differ from ours? Can they approach us when something is troubling them, even when they find it difficult to explain?

Truly hearing a child goes beyond listening to their words. It means noticing changes, respecting their feelings, listening without rushing to provide solutions, and responding in ways that build trust.

It also means knowing when a child needs additional support and ensuring they are connected to the right people and services.

We may not always be able to change what a child has experienced, but we can influence what happens next. We can ensure that they are not dismissed, blamed, or left to navigate difficult experiences alone.

A home where every child feels okay

As we reflect on this World Mental Health Day, I invite us to consider two simple questions:

• What experiences have shaped the way we understand ourselves and others?
• How can we offer that same understanding and support to the children in our lives?

As we work towards a world where every child grows up in a nurturing family, let us remember that providing a home is only the beginning. We must also nurture the relationships, trust, and emotional safety that allow children to grow and thrive.
Let’s go beyond asking children, “Are you okay?” Let’s ask ourselves, “Are we creating a home where they feel okay?”

Because every child deserves to be heard, understood, and made to feel safe at home. And every child’s lived experiences deserve to be met with compassion, care, and hope.

Author: Mansi Joshi, Manager, Mental Health and Psycho Social Support, Miracle Foundation India

The views expressed in the article are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of Miracle Foundation India